Things that make us go hmmm....
There's a good chance you've heard that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. It comes around every year, but I'm guessing that it's getting a bit more attention in 2021. And rightfully so. The more we can 'make it ok' to talk about mental health, the more we keep stigma silenced. I took advantage of the first weekend in May for a little mental health rejuvenation, which involved a perfect weekend of camping and hiking with my family. Let’s hear it for bonfire season! I hope you're finding ways to take good care of your mental health and your relationships.
We often walk through our days, running into situations or observing behaviors that leave us a bit perplexed. If I may, here are a few of my random musings that cause a bit of befuddlement because they don't seem to make sense:
Let’s start with scissors packaging. Have you noticed how a lot of these packages can only be opened with scissors?
Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
How is fanning our hand in front of our closed mouth after eating something really hot supposed to help?
Don't get me started on the English language - there's even a poem about its defiance of logic.
I’m guessing that you have your own list about things that just don’t seem to make sense to you. When it comes to other people's behaviors, it starts to get more personal. Sometimes the behaviors of those we love don’t make a lot of sense to us. Maybe you observe someone spending money on frivolous and unnecessary items when you know they are already in a precarious financial situation. Or when someone says they want to take better care of their body physically and nutritionally, but their actions are indicating otherwise. Perhaps it’s when a loved one continues to use substances, even though the stakes at that point are high and the consequences are treacherous.
"People say that I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me." - Johnny Depp
When we see or hear something that doesn’t make sense to us, we might shake our head in disbelief, shrug it off, or exclaim our frustration without taking the time to get past the behavior we’re seeing. To get to the real reason why certain things actually DO make sense, we have to start by getting curious about these behaviors. Think about it - don't we all have needs, motives, and goals that cause us to react in ways that make sense to us? When we stop placing judgment on our loved one’s behaviors and seek to understand the why behind the behavior, we can start to make room for more empathy and compassion in our relationships.
For a deeper dive into this concept, especially where substance use is problematic, I’d encourage you to watch this video. The using behaviors of our loved one may not make sense to us, but it makes sense to them. And it can make sense to you, without having to support it, condone it or condemn it. Instead, we can try to understand it, which opens the opportunity to support them in finding alternatives. If this is an area you struggle with and need some help make sense of behaviors that you are seeing, I’d love to talk.
